Learning to live for yourself

Most of the year I have learned and continue to develop what living for myself looks and feels like. However when the holidays come around and family demands begin I struggle between family loyalty--participating in events that seem to kill my soul and "letting down" the family and not participating. I know there must be a happy medium somewhere but I seem to be unable to locate it. I end up feeling cold and callous since I often think spending time by myself is a better idea than in the company of family or friends.

Don't get me wrong, not all family or all friends, I love and treasure them I really do. However, a lot of gatherings are time wasters. My mother who doesn't always understand that I don't need to be with people all the time, said I was antisocial I complained that I wasn't antisocial and she said I was just choosy about who I spend my time with. That is probably very accurate. Does this make me a snob?

I think what I am missing in my life is activities with more meaning. I want more ritual in the holidays. Not meaningless activities but things I choose to do because they are important to the meaning of Christmas or Thanksgiving and there would be a group of people that also found these activities meaningful. I have yet to determine what these look like or who would enjoy them with me. But it is a goal.